letters only bring dissapointment
by queen-of-sapphires
Summary: NEal and Kel are sent on a mission by the King, Neal and Yuki are no longer together. Rated 4 caution. R&R! chapter 4 up
1. Catastrophe or so it seems

Disclaimer: Not mine! It's all tamora pierce's.  
  
As Neal woke near sunrise, he heard only a few birds chirping on this winter morning. Things seemed at ease as he rose from bed groaning for another day working in the infirmary. It was a daily routine, get up, wash face, and get dressed. Today it was very annoying, he loved to live life sporadically yet he found that he started each day out the same. This all was about to change.  
  
Pulling a loose cotton white shirt over his chest and a pair of tan breeches, he saw something white out of the corner of his eyes. Walking towards his door he noticed that someone had shoved a note under his door. At this his heart leapt, maybe his dear Yuki had sent him a love letter. It had been so long since he had seen her last, at Raoul's wedding, and he really missed her.  
  
Unfolding the letter he saw it was from Yuki, but just from the way she had signed it there was a gloomy feeling to the whole thing. He read through the letter and his frown deepened, it was all he could do to keep from outright crying.  
  
***Kel***  
  
The glaive swung in a circular pattern and she completed the most complicated pattern dance she knew, ever since she had been at New Hope she had gotten more and more time to practice her weapons. With so many people around there was hardly anything for her to do.  
  
Just as she finished she heard the bell, it was time to go and get breakfast. After she had gotten her food she was walking through the mess hall looking for Neal's familiar face, but she couldn't see it in the crowd. Dismissing that she finally found a table with Sergeant Dom and Sir Merric of Hollyrose.  
  
"I saw you out there practicing that pigsticker of yours out side this morning," Dom said, using Tobe's words for her glaive. "You look amazing, it all flows together."  
  
Her feelings towards Dom were present just like always and his complement towards her made her blush. Realizing this she remembered her Yamini training and made her face conform to her will.  
  
Unfortunately Merric had seen and decided to poke a little fun, "What was that Protector of the Small, have you finally found someone you can't tame?"  
  
Instead of responding to let Merric have his fun Kel stood up with her food and walked out of the hall. Neal hadn't shown up for breakfast at all and this was incredibly unlike her best friend, never would he miss a meal.  
  
Walking up to her friends door she heard a strange noise and at first she couldn't place the noise, but as she got closer she realized that someone in Neal's room was crying. Not just crying gently, but full out sobbing. At this she walked right into his room forgetting to even knock.  
  
There on the ground lye Neal tears flooding his eyes, around him was a small puddle, showing that he hadn't moved since he started crying. He hadn't heard her enter so she decided it was best to speak first,  
  
"Neal," she said as she shook him. Finally he looked at her and she continued. "What is wrong? Please calm down for just a moment."  
  
All he could do was hand her the letter and lean against her as she read it:  
  
Neal,  
  
I am sorry to say but no matter how much I love you I cannot marry you. By the time you get this letter I will be on a boat back to the Islands or maybe I will be home already, but the point is that I am leaving. My family sent news that they need me at home, a family friend has just lost everything they have and I am to marry the friends son. He will be nice enough, I grew up with him and know that I can care for him. I am sorry but I don't have the heart to deny these people of help.  
  
From the beginning I believe we both knew that this couldn't work, we are from separate worlds. It was just a fantasy that I hoped would work out, but it didn't. I hope you will be as lucky as I was and find another person that will be able to marry you.  
Best wishes,  
Yukimi  
  
As she finished up the letter, she was in complete shock. They had seemed perfect for each other, but in the back of Kel's mind she new that it was likely that every Yamini girl would get an arranged marriage. Yuki was lucky to have waited so long before hers.  
  
She had lost Cleon and she knew that the best thing for Neal right now was a friend to talk to, something she hadn't had at the time.  
  
"Neal? You want to talk?" she asked in her most soothing voice.  
  
"Ya, I think I do. I guess that all along I knew that she wasn't the one I would marry. Things were great, but it wasn't special. I thought I was in love because I didn't know what love felt like, but now I'm not so sure. The reason I didn't break it off earlier was because I didn't want to make the wrong decision," Neal said after he managed to stop crying.  
  
By this time Kel didn't know quite what to do, she had her best friend leaning on her shoulder and he was in pain. Usually she could handle pain but this wasn't something she was used to. Instead of answering she put her arm around him and leaned back on him.  
  
As his head rested against her body he could smell a sweet fragrance, the kind of smell that a guy would never smell like even if he was wearing the same perfume and used the same shampoo. This smell was a trademark of a girl, and up till now he never noticed that Kel was really and truly a girl. Sure he had always known, but she had been a friend in his eyes and nothing else.  
  
They sat like this for till the lunch bell rang, just talking pleasantly and enjoying each other's company. Forgetting all their troubles and the work they were supposed to be doing. Hearing the loud bell ring scared Kel and Neal, they realized how long they must have been sitting there.  
  
Kel came back to reality first in noticing how far behind she was on her daily schedule and decided that it was time Neal left his room, "Neal, why don't you leave your room to come with me and get some lunch."  
  
"Alright wait just a second let me wash off my face, my dear cousin need not know what happened," Neal replied as he got up and went into his bathroom.  
  
Although she was slightly disappointed at being disturbed from such a comfortable position, Kel's stomach clearly needed to eat again. Neal walked out, and from just a glance no one would notice that he was so sad, but Kel looked into his eyes and it was clear that it would take more for him to get over this.  
  
"Kel, Thank you. You really helped me out," Neal said. And with that he pulled her closer and kissed her.  
  
At first Kel returned the kiss, he felt so nice to touch that way and a part of her really liked it. Soon however it registered what was happening and she pushed him away. Rarely did she have a temper, but that was just too much, "Neal! I will not be your rebound. This isn't a game, you can't just kiss any girl that walks into your room."  
  
With that she slapped him and stormed out the room.  
  
Neal stood in his room puzzled for a few minutes. 'Whatever had just happened didn't go so well. I think its safe to say that you should always think before you act.' In all that had just happened it seemed like Kel had pulled in for a second also, was there something he was missing in this picture?  
  
She went straight to the dining hall, not stopping to look back. The only problem was that she wasn't looking forward either, it wasn't long till she had run into someone.  
  
Afraid of letting someone see her tears she walked around them saying, "Sorry, excuse me."  
  
Instead of letting her pass like her plan the man grabbed her arm and lifted her chin. As she looked him in the face she realized that it was Dom.  
  
"Not going to give an old friend more than a Sorry? Now I know that Neal taught you better," Dom joked, but then he gave her a closer look before continuing. "Kel, what's wrong? Don't tell me it's one of your sparrows."  
  
Usually she would have giggled and joked back at his sarcastic remarks, but now the only emotion she could show was a very forced smile. Water sliding off a rock, just like her Yamini teachers had drilled into her head so many years ago and now she made herself remember.  
  
Looking at her face Dom knew that she had been away from the islands to long, or maybe he just knew her too well to not fall for her fake mask. There was something wrong, but instead of letting her know that her emotions betrayed her he followed her into the dining room. This conversation could wait until after lunch.  
  
Getting a full platter of food, Kel sat across from Dom and next to Merric along with several generals of the regular army. Unlike usual she could barely shove four bites down her throat, it seemed to have swelled ten times the normal size.  
  
Noticing her odd behavior Merric decided best to mention something, "Not up to eating, mother," He joked using their nickname for her. "You really do need the proper dose of vegetables to grow, not that you need to grow. You're almost tall as me."  
  
"No, just a little problem with my throat," she lied, well arguing with herself she decided that it wasn't exactly a lie, just not the whole truth.  
  
Dom, looking concerned quickly replied, "Well maybe you should go to the infirmary."  
  
Tiring of the conversation she snapped back, "No I think that will be the last place I would go for this problem." And with that she calmly walked out of the room leaving every one but Dom completely at shock. That was the second time today she had done that exact thing.  
  
Deciding now would be the best time to inquire about Kel's strange behavior he stood up politely excusing himself and went after her.  
  
You like? Ok I seriously need you to tell me what you think on this one! I have a goal for where I want this story to go but I'm not so sure how to get there. Kinda short but I think they will get longer.  
  
REVIEW! Please. 


	2. Confusion

Disclaimer: Maybe someday it will be mine, but for now I its all Tamora Pierce's and im jealous of her.  
  
OK this may not make 2 much sense b/c the last part was for another story I was writing but I made it part of this one b/c I was to lazy to type a whole new chapter.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Finally after a frantic chase he had caught up to Kel, she had been avoiding him and purposely making it hard for him to find her. Deciding not to waste the opportunity he restrained her, keeping her from escaping.  
  
"What do you want?" Kel asked, trying to stay calm.  
  
"Don't to that to me Kel. I know perfectly well that something happened with Meathead, now spit it out," Dom replied. He tried to find out what she was feeling by looking into her eyes, but like usual when she is mad she doesn't let any emotions out.  
  
"He broke up with Yuki."  
  
Knowing that wasn't the whole reason, he decided to continue to persuade her into giving her a complete answer. "Are you sure that's all that happened?"  
  
With that she broke down into tears and told him the whole story, only stopping to make sure he was listening. He was in shock that defiantly didn't sound like his cousin Neal.  
  
"Listen, tomorrow lets pack a snack and go riding. We can spend the whole day talking, and maybe we can figure out a way to deal with this. But for now I think the whole town would love for us to get on with our chores," Dom said in a very kind and comforting voice.  
  
Feeling a lot better Kel decided that she should go and work in the stables like she had signed up for. It was a relief that she could talk to Dom about this and not have to worry about him doing something crazy.  
  
Her heart couldn't seem to make up its mind, only the other day had she been head over heals for Dom. Now she couldn't keep herself from thinking that she would love to repeat that kiss, or even just thinking of his perfect face with its perfect eyes.  
  
Shaking everything out of her mind she decided to skip dinner and go to sleep, hopefully that would knock some sense into her.  
  
She woke up at dawn as usual and went through her regular morning routine. It wasn't until breakfast that she remembered all of yesterday's drama and how upset she was with Neal. Luckily she didn't run into him, she was the first person in the dining hall and was shortly joined by Merric.  
  
"I hear your taking a day off today, to go relax with Dom? Now do I see something here," Merric joked around.  
  
"I don't know if you see anything, but if you do I can fix that with a quick blow in the eye. I just need a day to relax, things here have been quite stressful," Kel lied, she didn't need anyone else to find out about Neal.  
  
"Now I'm scared, I see why they say not to mess with a lady Knight and Protector of the Small," Merric replied with sarcasm.  
  
"Merric will you make sure to send all the regular patrols out today and be extra careful about anyone. Also kindly tell Neal that he is to be in charge for the day and that if he messes up I will have his head."  
  
"Yes mother. I think we can handle the place for a single day."  
  
After getting everything under control she went to grab food from the cooks and few other things. Her guess was that Dom was only just getting up so to get moving quicker she would prepare the horses.  
  
Saddling Peachblossom and Dom's horse had been quite a chore because every time Kel tried to saddle the other horse he would get mad and nip at her. But after much labor she had succeeded and now all she needed was Dom himself. When she was tired of waiting and just about to go find the slow man, he casually strolled in.  
  
"I see someone has been working hard this morning," Dom smiled.  
  
"And I see someone has slept in this morning. Now are you ready to go or are we going to wait around all day?" Kel replied slightly frustrated, but Dom only smiled at her sense of humor.  
  
They jumped onto their horses and rode out of New Hope. Naturally they let the horses lead them at a casual pace as they searched for a comfortable spot to rest at. Over an hour had passed by since they had left, and finally they found a nice sunny area by a cool brook that would do just perfect.  
  
Kel brought out the food and they and they munched a little as they talked, "Kel I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but I've really liked you for a long time. And it's painful to see you so upset."  
  
Before Kel could even begin to process what he had just said he took her into a kiss. It wasn't that like it didn't feel good, she had spent her years as a squire dreaming of this moment and now it was happening. She just couldn't help but think of her kiss with Neal. It had felt better.  
  
They stayed close to each other for a long time, not even speaking. All they needed was right now was to think. Kel knew what it felt like to really like someone and not tell them, but she could only imagine how much worrying it must have taken him to admit that. She had to let him have her, at least for a little.  
  
After convincing herself that this was what she wanted she kissed him, long and passionately. If they hadn't been caught in the moment they probably would have heard the rustling in the bushes and then maybe they would have been saved the embarrassment of Neal walking in on them.  
  
Neal looked crushed and after a few seconds of staring dumbfounded he coldly said, "Nice to see you on your relaxing day off, but if you don't mind your requested back at camp. Both of you."  
  
"Neal, don't act ridiculous. What are you doing out here anyways, Merric was supposed to tell you that you were in charge. A commander never leaves their post," Kel protested.  
  
"It must have slipped your mind like everyone else's that commander of the Own, Sir Raoul, was to arrive today with an important news and a request," Neal squeaked, this was just too much for him.  
  
"Yes your right I completely forgot."  
  
Rushing to their horses the three of them rushed back to the fort. The whole hour was oddly quiet, with Neal furious, and Kel terribly upset that she couldn't have both things she wanted.  
  
Collecting themselves before they entered the room, they looked over each other with a nod of approval. "Sir Kel, it has been quite a while now hasn't it. Don't tell me you've been growing again."  
  
"Not that I can tell Sir, how have you been. And Buri?" Kel asked politely.  
  
"Well I that is part of the reason I'm here. We're to be married and would greatly appreciate it if you all would come. Yes Kel that means a dress."  
  
Grimacing Kel continued, "Well that's not to much of a surprise, but I hear that there was something else you were to tell us?"  
  
"Yes, I'm not going to bore you with the details, but instead I'll make it simple. King Maggur is dead, and Scanran had gone into disarray. They are no longer any threat, so everyone of fort New Hope is to report back to either Corus or their home. This includes you, Merric, Neal, and your squad Dom."  
  
"That's defiantly a surprise, but what will happen to the refugees?"  
  
"For the last year people have been working on rebuilding homes and making new homes. Everyone will have somewhere to go, now you are leaving in a week. But seeing as we can't get everyone out in a week I'm putting one of the regular generals in charge."  
  
"Are you sure I shouldn't stay to see everyone gone?"  
  
"Yes I'm sure. Especially if you want to make it to my wedding."  
  
A week went by quickly, and through that time she saw at least half the refugees go home. It was sad to see the littlest kids go, they didn't even remember their home before and had spent so much time here, and they couldn't help but cry.  
  
Dom hadn't been much of help, in fact by this point she was avoiding him. He had basically told her that she was just one of those things that happen once. Already he had told her about five girls that he just had to hook up with while they were still in Corus, she was tired of him.  
  
Packing up her stuff was hard, but she thought about staying in proper rooms with hot water and good food. She couldn't wait to be in the capital, life on the border was getting very tiresome.  
  
Finally they set out, headed for Corus. Kel rode Hoshi Peachblossom deserved a rest. She couldn't wait to be home.  
  
*****later*****  
  
"Kel hurry up were going to be late," Neal yelled as he pounded on her door. They had only arrived back in Corus late last night, but the king had already demanded that both him and Kel go to the wedding that night.  
  
He had been standing there for several minutes in his clothes with the Queenscove colors on and there wasn't as much of a word out of her. Normally Kel was a morning person, she would rise before dawn and practice with weapons. But he hadn't seen her at breakfast, him being such a late riser just saw this as a sign that she had beaten him to breakfast leaving him to eat alone. Thinking back on it no one had mentioned seeing Kel all morning.  
  
That gave him no choice, he decided to try the door handle, and sure enough it was open. Nothing seemed right, her door was unlocked, she hadn't been seen all day, and she wasn't answering the door. As each second passed his imagination grew more and more vivid.  
  
All he was worried about was her well being, he cared for her so much. They had been best friends since they met, but now as he thought of her his stomach flipped, what was happening? Dismissing all these thoughts he barged into her room, and there she was sleeping on her bed like nothing was going on, "Kel! What do you think you're doing? Raoul is getting married in just over an hour! Kel!!! Wake up."  
  
He saw her jolt up, pale in the face, she looked frightened to death. As Kel looked around the room trying to find the poor person that had so rudely disturbed her sleep she found Neal and let out all her rage, "Goddess, Neal!! Could you have found another way to wake a person? I thought there was a royal attack on my room! Hold on, what time is it?"  
  
Before Neal could try to reply Kel was out of bed and rummaging through her closet. It wasn't to long until she found just what she was looking for, the dress Lalassa had custom made for her to wear to the wedding. Taking off her nightgown in front of Neal she threw on her dress and was ready to go out the door.  
  
Blush spread across his face as he watched her, dumbfounded that Kel always calm and collected would forget that he was in the room and change in front of him. Interrupting her search he said, "Um, Kel? Are you alright, you seem kind of disheveled."  
  
"Ya, I'm fine, but I can't find the wedding gift," Kel replied, just as it hit her that Neal had been in the room this whole time. "O gosh Neal, sorry bout that. I was just a bit distracted I guess."  
  
At first he only replied with a weak smile, but then he figured that something else was wrong, "How is my dearest cousin? I haven't seen him around lately."  
  
"I don't know, ever since we heard word of coming back all he could do was talk about how he just HAD to visit every single girl in Corus that he had ever looked at before. Clearly I was just a last resort," Kel sighed.  
  
"And he thought I was the Meathead? Tossing aside someone like you? Clearly he was confused," With that Kel couldn't help but smile. "Now shall we make our way towards the wedding?"  
  
Like a good courtly gentleman he offered her his arm and they were off. After some casual talk of old friends they had finally made it and just in time because it looked as if most people were just arriving.  
  
"Kel, now is the time to put everything behind us and plaster those false smiles on that everyone else seems to love," Neal said before they entered the temple. With that Kel hugged him, not an embrace of lovers, but it was something. Maybe he had a chance?  
  
The ceremony was beautiful. Buri in her traditional white dress, Raoul looking terribly nervous yet excited. The Queen, being old friends of Buri's, and her Husband the King had come looking very official and beautiful.  
  
Kel couldn't have felt happier for the two they were a perfect match. But at the same time she couldn't help but think that she wouldn't ever get married. Cleon, Dom, and Neal, something had gone wrong with all of them.  
  
Dom couldn't marry and even if he could she seriously doubted he would take her over all those other girls she knew he had had flings with. Then his cousin Neal, she had seriously screwed that one up! They had both liked each other but then she goes and ruins it all.  
  
Do you like it? Why don't you tell me by reviewing???? 


	3. Confessions

**_Yes I decided to return! I was completely stuck for a while but now I know where to go and what to do with this story so review and so I kno if my ideas are good. Really this is kinda a trial thing so please I need you to review! _**

Disclaimer: It's all Tammy's so go blame her if you don't like it... no jk I guess the plot is mine kinda sorta?

**Chapter 3- Confessions**

Kel had spent much of the reception sitting among her friends and chatting, they believed that she had come out of her recent slump, but o they were wrong. Ever since news had come that they were all to leave New Hope she had been a wreck, Merric had even caught a glimpse of her crying while conducting her last staff practice with the little ones. Everyone knew about it and that didn't mean just her friends, but also a majority of the court and many of them knew it had to do with Neal and Dom, the two people who knew nothing of what was happening.

Of course everyone had been too polite to bring it up, that is what court is all about, a noble smile with completely different thoughts beneath. What could her friends do, Kel had a temper even if others didn't see it they had. Not a Lioness temper that Alanna was famous for, but a silent and deadly one.

Owen of Jesslaw, recently made Sir Owen, was part one of Kel's closest friends, but now she hardly gave him the time of day, surprisingly that was a good thing because most people hadn't gotten her to say a word. He was in awe that anything could do this to such a wonderful knight, he had looked up to Kel as someone who wouldn't give up, but apparently the circumstances where larger than even he could imagine.

Silently Neal left their table of friends, he needed to find someone, but Kel shouldn't see what he was doing. He had chosen the opportune moment, everyone had just erupted laughing over one of Merric's jokes, clearly they had had too much to drink because everyone had heard that one about a dozen times.

"Hello my dear cousin," Neal said as he tapped Dom's shoulder. "I do believe that that you owe me some explaining."

"Meathead," Dom said enthusiastically as he drew him into a strong hug. Neal noted that his breath smelled of liquor, it would be best if he visited everyone tomorrow with his antidote.

"What do you think of Kel?"

"Kel? Well she is my friend, but you know that. I did ride with her in the Own while she was a squire."

"You seemed quite smitten with her when I walked in on the two of you kissing. Dom she better not be another to check off your list, I know you are going for a record."

"No! I care for Kel I really do! It actually scares me, I mean the thoughts I have while I am with her."

With that Dom swayed and threw up on Neal's tunic, before he could utter any protests he found Dom blacked out on the floor. His cousin was too large for him to do anything with by himself so he went off to find help.

"Kel, our dear sergeant of the Own has just passed out would you care to help me take him to his room?" Neal asked, but seeing the look on her face told him that it wouldn't be easy to convince her.

Before Kel could say a word Owen interrupted with his words slurred, "Why her? Not because she's a girl is it? What's wrong with taking one of us?"

"First off because Kel is my friend and I wanted to ask her, but also because the lot of you are stark drunk. Well except for Kel, she didn't drink, the smart choice if you ask me. Don't worry boys I'll be by in the morning."

"Fine Neal lead me to Dom so we can get this over with. By the way what is that on your tunic?" Kel gave in.

He refused to let her know what was on his tunic altogether it was something he would rather not relive. Grimacing Neal led her to Dom passed out on the floor. They carried him slung over his shoulders out of the ball.

"You know he likes you Kel," Neal said breaking the silence. Why would he say that? He wanted Kel for himself, but a smaller part reminded him that she had the right to know all her options.

Confused Kel only asked, "What?"

"Dom, I was talking to him before he blanked out and he said he really cared for you. He never told me why he has to visit all those girls, but it wasn't because he hates you."

"Thanks Neal," Kel said. But really she was wondering why Neal had told her this, had she been right in thinking that she was only a rebound?

Finally they had reached Dom's room where they placed him on his bed, in an odd way he looked quite peaceful. His hair was positioned perfectly framing his face with only a stay hair that covered his face. Kel bent down as close as possible and brushed it back lightly with her finger. But she knew that Dom's peaceful state would be gone as soon as he woke in the morning with a fierce headache.

As they closed the door behind them Kel broke the peaceful silence, "Neal why did you tell me that about Dom?"

"Because I want you to be happy," he replied simply.

"So I was right then?"

"That depends about what? If it's about books then probably not, but if it's about your glaive or jousting then you probably were right."

With a slight laugh and a playful punch she said, "No, right after you broke up with Yuki and you kissed me. I said—"

"Ahh yes I remember quite well what you said. But no you weren't right, I tore it off with her because I loved you. I still do you know and anytime you would like to take up my offer I'd be glad to help."

"Then why do you want me to be with Dom?" Kel said, with her emotions so mixed she had become confused quickly.

"Because love I want you to be happy even if that means you ending up without me."

"Thank you." With that she hugged him tightly, it felt so good to finally know the truth.

"Anything for the Protector of the Small," Neal whispered to her.

Finally they found themselves at Kel's door, it was obvious that the two were both sorry the night had to end here. Before she shut the door and left Neal for the day he said, "Would you mind if I kissed you? I just don't want to be killed."

She giggled at his question and reached up softly brushing her lips against his. As she pulled away surprise was drowning Neal's face, clearly he hadn't expected that.

"No need to take anything to fast. Goodnight Sir Nealan," Kel said as she closed the door behind her.

A grin spread from Neal's ear to ear, he hadn't expected the truth to be quite so rewarding. His friend never ceased to amaze him, which was quite odd considering the five years age difference. He met a few people on the way to his chambers and he was sure that they could all read through his happy movements. It would be known in all of court by tomorrow, but it no longer mattered.

Next morning: Kel-

Kel was one to rise before dawn, but this morning she felt that she deserved a break. Disregarding how late she had been up the day before and the likelihood that this would become a regular tradition she had slept a few bells past dawn. Last night had been eventful and chances would have been that she could have slept far later, but Neal had other ideas.

Her eyes still filled to the brim with sleep she groggily rose out of bed and yelled that Neal should be quite while she changed. Finally she deemed her self-presentable and let the irritable Neal in.

"Why are you sleeping late again?" Neal reprimanded.

"I felt I deserved a break. Why?" Kel responded, still very weary.

"I was worried," He admitted reluctantly as he looked down at his shoes with blush smothering his cheeks.

"O my Meathead was worried about me, what a good boy."

Without a response Kel continued, "So why were you up so early? I would have deemed you sleeping off last night."

"I wish, but my duty was foremost to our friends. I knew they would all need something in the morning."

"And how did this lead you to me?"

"Well I wanted to make sure you were alright after last night."

"Now that you have found me and probably deemed me perfectly healthy although possibly a little tired what will you do with me?"

Neal's eyebrows raised questioningly at Kel's suggestion and said, "M' Lady I do think you should rethink that. However I do know what I should do to you."

"Neal! You know I didn't mean that."

"I am appalled that you think my mind to be so low in the gutters, but what is yours doing down there? I was merely going to do this."

He leaned over and gave her a passionate kiss, and she returned it. Last night had not been a dream. Breaking apart for air Kel smiled and started walking.

"Where are you going? Is this just a hit and run type of thing?"

At this Kel laughed, Neal could be impossible sometimes, "No but I am starved, you wouldn't want my to faint into your arms because I was so famished."

Seriously considering it Neal finally decided to follow her to the Mess, but first he grabbed her hand. Kel's first instinct had been resistance, but then she thought of how good it felt and she didn't care who saw. She wasn't a squire anymore, she didn't have to hide her feelings anymore.

At the mess they found a few friends left, most had already eaten or were still sleeping. As she ate she felt Neal's eyes watching her like a hawk as if she would fly away at any moment. Many other people noticed the happiness that was surrounding from the two and the whole palace seemed to have changed their attitude in a manner of moments.

The day had continued normally, unfortunately that meant much time spent apart from each other. Kel practiced furiously with her glaive and other weapons in order to make up for practiced lost in the past few days, she had even found time to joust with Lord Raoul. Neal on the other hand was busy doing tasks for Lady Alanna, although she was no longer his knight- master she would easily get him in trouble with father if he didn't obey.

"Nice shot," Someone said. This surprised Kel because she had assumed herself alone at the shooting range that was probably why she had taken her old Yamani bow. Out of practice she hadn't wanted to embarrass herself in front of others when she could hardly even shot the long bow. She had never actually been good at the weapon and possibly that was why she kept trying at it, she had always hated anything she couldn't quite conquer.

Turning around she saw a small boy about Tobe's age, he was clearly a palace servant in his traditional white garb. But what was he doing out here? She patiently waited for him to speak, but when that didn't come she said, "What may I deem the honor of meeting you? I am Lady Knight Keladry of Mindalen, but please call me Kel."

"Oh sorry I forgot myself, you see I'm new, well My Lady the King requests to see you immediately. He says not to tarry. My name is Kerstin just Kerstin," The small boy replied.

She pressed a coin into his hand and thanked him before running off to the palace. Only stopping to put her weapons in her rooms Kel arrived at the large oak doors to the King's Study out of breath and panting.

When she had herself under control she entered, inside she saw the King at his desk with Neal in a chair across from him.

Quickly she said, "Forgive me your Highness, I should have knocked. I will return at a more convenient time."

"Don't fret Keladry, we were only waiting for you. Where have you been? You look as if you have just ran a marathon?" King Jonathon said in attempts to make her more at ease.

"The practice courts sir."

"Ahh then it is likely that you did run a marathon. I hear you work yourself far too hard Keladry, isn't that right Neal?"

"O yes, but I wouldn't waste your breath she doesn't listen to anyone," Neal sighed, The King laughed at his frank nature.

"O no Your Highness I must protest Neal is just far too much in love with complaints."

"Well Keladry if you are to be my knight I must ask that you call me Jon or Jonathon. As you may have guessed formality is not my boat."

"You are to kind Jonathon, but you must call me Kel. No one calls me Keladry."

"Terribly sorry for the mistake, but now I believe you are both wondering what calls you here."

Without waiting for their consent he divulged, "I am afraid we need the two of you desperately. I hope that if you agree you will realize how dangerous this is and we cannot afford to lose either of you. Things have come out of hand with-"

**End Chapter**

**_So what did you think? I hope you liked it? Well I don't care but please review and tell me. This is all kinda odd so I don't kno it just doesn't seem like my best work it feels very awkward so please help me out. _**

REVIEW- I wont update until I get 15 more reviews... well I don't kno if people don't review then obviously it will be lower


	4. A Mission

**_A few notes: _**

**_1) yes I know Dom kinda slid out of the last chapter and maybe I could have said a little more about him, but it was really kinda on purpose. _**

**_2) I know some people think that maybe Kel and The King were a little informal, but Jon really is an informal King and I just don't see him making someone call him Your Highness when he is about to tell them not so good news, he would make them feel as comfortable as possible. Also don't worry Kel still doesn't like him she was just being polite. _**

**_3) Sorry I spelled the kings name wrong apparently and I'm not surprised because I think that Jonathan is a really hard name to spell so sorry! _**

**_4) Thank you megster, Wake-Robin, pinky, Keladry of Masbolle, oceanspike, dreamerdoll. And of course Lilliana-Rose: I'm glad you liked it but next time you so aren't aloud to do like 9 of the reviews! LOL.... Ok well everyone your comments really helped!_**

**_ 5) Disclaimer: not mine its all Tammy's  
_**  
Chapter 4  
  
Kel looked at the King and felt more dislike than she had before she had walked through those oak doors an hour ago. With every word and explanation of their mission the hatred grew more, how could he have asked them to do such a thing.  
  
Keeping her face Yamani smooth she remembered the oath she had sworn to be a knight for Tortall, she could not refuse.  
  
Oblivious to Kel's anger Neal looked intently at the King, he was clearly happy with the idea of this mission. _'How could he'_ she thought, but another smaller part of her thought, _'Of course he would he would do anything for the King, unlike you.'_  
  
_'Well did the King put him on probation?'  
  
'Is he a girl? How do you know that the King had a choice anyways?'  
_  
She considered it pointless to argue with herself and gave in, no one would ever win. Knowing that she had no right to be upset at her best friend for something he couldn't help especially with those vibrant green eyes that glanced towards her every once in a while, she silently forgave him.  
  
Snapping back into attention she heard the King ask, "Kel what do you say, will you take this mission for Tortall and the Crown?"  
  
Kel knew that it was a rhetorical question, cut she answered anyways, "Of course."  
  
"Good you shall head for Port Caynn at nightfall. Please do not mention your leave to anyone but those you trust most."  
  
Knowing an excuse when he heard one Neal stood from his chair and dragged Kel, who had previously been struggling to get out of her overstuffed chair, into the hallway.  
  
"What were you thinking?" Neal erupted as soon as the doors were shut behind them.  
  
"Wha—"Kel responded confusedly.  
  
"You could have at least been polite."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
"I saw you, your face slipped several times from that emotionless state to a look of utter disgust."  
  
"No! that has not happened for years."  
  
"Well it did today and the King was clearly upset about it too."  
  
"I do have a right to be mad you know! He put me on probation just for being a girl and now he is sending me to betray my own people? Did he do that to you Neal?"  
  
As Neal realized the situation his cheeks flushed a deep red color, why had he never known his best friend was so touchy about probation? O yes because she hides her emotions. Not knowing how to reply he settled his arm around her waist drawing her close as they headed off across the palace.  
  
Smirks and knowing glances were sent their way as people saw how close the two of them stood, but finally Kel didn't care. It didn't matter what they said she had earned her shield fairly.  
  
"I'm sorry Neal," Kel said breaking the silence.  
  
"Why?" He asked.  
  
"Because I got you into this mess. Because every single stuck-up noble will give you a bad reputation and stick their noses up at us just because you are with me."  
  
"Sweet, do you think that I would be upset about that? And we are not in a mess, its more of an adventure don't you think. Going under cover and all."  
  
"Glad you think so because I will defiantly use your assurance."  
  
Without noticing where they were going the two found themselves in front of Neal's doors. He invited her in, but she made excuses of a dire need to right some letters, He scowled at her excuse.  
  
_ 'It's not like I am actually lying! I really do want to right a letter to Dom,'_ Kel thought as she walked along the cream painted hallways.  
  
'_But did you really have to do that now? You know it was an excuse.'  
  
'So is it really a crime to not want to get too far involved just yet?'  
_  
Nari and her flock swarmed Kel's head angrily as she walked through the door, she had forgotten to feed them on her way out and now they were furious. It took much convincing before the sparrows believed that she was going to feed them, but she finally reached the seed bag she kept in her desk.  
  
Feeling the relief that everyone was satisfied again Kel sat at her desk with a piece of paper. Everything she thought of was turned down, how could she put all of her emotions down on one page? The waste bin was full of papers, as was the floor when she finally had a perfect letter for Dom. It wasn't too mean, but it also didn't seem like she loved him and it told him exactly what he needed to know.  
  
Originally she had wanted to wait until just before she left to give him the letter, but now she felt so restless that she couldn't wait any longer. She walked slowly though the corridors towards rooms designated to the Own. Stopping to chat with everyone she bided her time thinking carefully about exactly what she would say and do as she delivered the letter.  
  
After taking a quick stop by Raoul's rooms she realized that she could not stand to put this off any longer. She headed for Dom's room, anyone who might have passed her wouldn't have dared interrupt her with the fiercely determined look she wore.  
  
She rapped soundly on the door and sat back waiting, but after some time no one answered. Trying again, but knocking harder this time she still got no answer. In desperation she tried to open the door, it was unlocked.  
  
Entering into his impeccably clean room she found it empty of his presence. Apparently he cleaned thoroughly before leaving his room that morning because it looked untouched and perfect. Determined not to leave without an answer she searched his room for something missing and eventually found that only his sword was not there.  
  
Kel decided that it was not worth looking for him, with only a sword missing he could be anywhere. She set down the letter on his bed and went back to her room to prepare, sulking the whole while.  
  
As the sun set below the tops of the trees, Kel gathered her saddlebag and headed off towards the stables. Mentally she went through a checklist making sure she had done everything she had wanted to. It had been painful leaving Jump in Daine's care and leaving her horses with Stephan, but the King's orders had been clear. Anything that would identify her had to be left behind.  
  
Neal stood holding the reins of two horses, one a testy gray mare and one a calm chestnut mare. Kel silently greeted him, knowing that right now was not the time for words both of them were sad. Seeing a lone tear drip down his cheeks she chose to ignore it for his own pride.  
  
They set out of Tortall with only their few possessions and their horses not knowing when or if they would ever return. Looking back they knew that almost no one would know where they were or if they were alive.

* * *

**_SO what did you think???I do admit it has a lot of awkward commentary I think where she isn't saying anything, and im really not good at doing those parts so if you would please review with suggestions it would be very helpful!  
  
Sorry I meant to update the second I got all those reviews, but it was my Mom's b-day so I was kinda busy.... Um lets say another 15 reviews not all by the same person please! _**


	5. A letter

**Disclaimer: Not mine, its all tamora pierce's.**

**I'm back so I hope you enjoy my story!**

**CHAPTER 5**

Sweat poured from Dom's brow as he sparred against Sir Raoul, among the most famed knights in Tortall, though routine for a man of the King's Own Dom still found it hard to beat this man without the proper training of a knight. Though he was in good shape, lagging behind could mean death to bandits or immortals, the blows of Raoul tired him. With each of the knight's thrusts came a desperate block, and a weak parry. Raoul seemingly tired of humiliating Dom disarmed the man in a swift twist sending him sword flying.

"Once more Dom, your sword work is good, but not good enough," Raoul said when he had caught his breath. Though beating Dom was no challenge, the younger man was fast and tired slowly.

"Sir, I hardly find this fair, besides the Lioness and perhaps the King you are the finest swordsman in Tortall. I am competition enough for everyone else, you know that," Dom replied his voice filled with exasperation.

"Hardly an excuse, I'd say," Raoul chuckled.

Dom was restless, things had not seemed right between him and Kel lately. He went for a walk in the Royal Forest to sort out his mind, while Raoul headed back to his rooms.

He walked listening rather than hearing, the sound of fall leaves crunching beneath him, a young bird chirping as he took his first flight. The thought of Kel's sparrows brought him out of his calm state, he was reminded of why he had come, Kel. Dom had never felt quite the same when he was with Kel. She had an effect on people, she changed them, and he knew that she had and would keep doing the same to him. Once he could say that any court lady was good enough, then they were just toys for him. But now, now he only wanted one.

'_Do you want her because you can't have her_?' a voice rung in his head, it sounded suspiciously like Meathead. His cousin was suspicious, knowing who Dom once had been.

'_No, I am changed_,' Another part of him argued.

'_She is the only one in court you have wanted but not yet had your way with, when that's the case it's easy enough to say you have changed_.' To that he could not respond, but only wonder how he could know if his intentions were right. He would never hurt Kel on purpose.

Looking around he saw the long shadows and a silence that had passed over the forest, it was dusk. A magical time in which day and night were one, and everything was connected, such a powerful moment that the creatures of the forest treated it with the highest respect of silence. Energy surged through every vein of Dom's body, the hair on his neck rose as the feeling was gone just as quick as it had come. Spooked Dom ran back to the palace quickly, stopping only when he reached the comfort of the Own's barracks.

Dom entered his unlocked room looking to see that nothing was taken. Everything was in place but a single letter placed neatly against his pillow. In his hands it felt cold and crisp, like the lettering addressed to him, Domitan of Masbolle. It read:

_I shall speak to you as a friend and nothing more, for that is what we shall be from now on. Our kiss, our entire relationship, it was a mistake. You are a well bred noble's son of the Kings Own and I am the second Lady Knight of the realm, I thought that though these were the circumstances that I could be happy with you. However I know now how wrong I was, I am just another prize for you. How can you be happy with yourself, you have avoided me since that day, was it that bad? I hope you can be happy, go and brag that you kissed that oaf, Protector of the Small. I have found it in my heart to forgive you, but only because I am leaving. _

_I will be leaving soon, possibly by the time you receive this letter, but chances are I won't be back. I am on a mission; few know of my where abouts or that I have left. If I do return maybe we can be friends, but if I don't know that though you took advantage of me you were among the dearest friends I had. Remember I loved you, though my heart now lies elsewhere, I loved you once._

_Keladry of Mindelan _

He flung himself onto his bed, eyes pouring over with emotion as his tears soaked the bed, Dom clung to the letter wrinkling the edges he held. She had misunderstood everything, and now her "Heart lies elsewhere".

'_Who else would take a slut like her_?' An cold, angry, and distant part of him asked.

'_She was great and loved by many, it could be anyone. More important is where she is going and why she might not come back_.' A calmer and more reasonable voice from within replied.

Bleary eyed Dom walked to Raoul's chamber knocking on the wooden doors forgetting how late it really was. He stood outside waiting for an answer as he continued pounding with the letter still clutched tightly in his hand. Raoul opened the door and Dom hardly noticed as the older man lead him to his dimly lit study and sat him down.

"I see that you have heard of Kel and your cousin, Neal, and their new life," Raoul stated as soon as they were settled in his plush armchairs.

It was minutes of Dom's confused stare before things clicked and he responded, "You mean to tell me that it was him? Neal, my Neal, he stole her from me and now they are gone?"

"Excuse me?" They were both in a state of immense confusion.

"The letter, it, it said that she loved someone else and that she was on a mission from which she would never return. That mission? Please tell me it isn't marriage," though he was emotionally exhausted, Dom fumed at the thought of such betrayal. Like usual, his emotions had rushed to it's own conclusions.

"As your Head of the King's Own I can tell you that Kel and Neal, they are on a mission for the King. I know it is dangerous and at the very moment they are traveling to Port Caynn, this is the first step, beyond that I have no knowledge. As your friend I must tell you that yes it seem that Kel and Neal are in love. I know nothing of marriage."

Dom would have collapsed had he been standing, though he was relieved that Neal and Kel would not be married, he was upset that they did like and possibly love each other. Raoul saw the desperation and loss of hope in his Sergeant's eyes all at once.

'_Telling Dom was a mistake, I will take it all back right now. How can it hurt him, he will never know_,' A rash yet caring side part of Raoul thought.

'_He deserves better than that, he deserves the truth whether he can handle it or not. Like you said before he is a friend and a friend should be respected_,' a more sensible part argued. Raoul knew that this was right, so instead of being caught in the painful emotion he rushed to heat tea for his friend over the blazing fire.

It was a dark hour of the morning until Dom was seen leaving Raoul's chambers. He had spilled his heart and soul out to the man; it seemed as if he had no other choice at the time. He had been drunk with emotion and now regretted his actions.

Dom made a rash resolution to himself before he slept soundly in his chambers. He would forget Kel and his stupid cousin Neal, they had betrayed him and now that they were gone there would be no reason to remember them.

He was somehow bound to this loose promise and in later days when he would think back on his two friends he would realize the mistake he had made. No longer would he remember the intricate detail of Kel's facial features, or the sarcastic nature behind Neal's every movement. They would forever be a shunned blur in the deepest pits of his memory.

**End**

**So? Did I completely bomb my return or what? Please I would love to know! Review!**


End file.
